Sunday, July 17, 2011

Whirlwind...Where Have I Been?

Changes can come slowly, or it can hit you all at once and you feel as though your legs have been swept from under you and your breath is knocked clear out of you body.

These past three weeks I've experienced the drastic and swift change.

My grandmother, our family's matriarch, the glue, core, foundation and soul of our family passed away a little over two weeks ago. The week of my return to work after this devastating loss, I parted from my toxic, abusive and hostile work place after a series of events had built up, with last week being the final straw.

And here I am, sitting here soaking in all this. I am a bag of mixed emotions. I feel sad and wounded from the loss of my grandma, disappointment about the people at my workplace and excitement for my future.

I am going to go back to school to pursue a BFA in Graphic Design. My lifelong dream goal has been to be a Creative Director, and this year, I decided I needed to follow that dream.

So with one gigantic swoop from the universe, I had no other place to turn, but onward towards this goal. I can really do this. I'm scared because it's a leap, but I'm ready to TRY.  I feel braver to take on other matters.

A part of my soul may have died, but a spirit has been reflamed and I am going after this with all I have.

Which then brings me to my next revelation, suddenly, for the first time in 11  years, I am actually going to get to enjoy a summer vacation. I've been working since I was 16. Now, I have the opportunity to have 6 glorious weeks of enjoying my summer. What a wonderful gift.

Sure, I may not have enough money to eat out anymore and enjoy other luxuries, but I feel free. Free to meditate and read, explore areas around me, run at the beach, learn how to surf, cook and just create with no worry. I can go back to the Bay Area for one week to spend more time with family and friends. I can tackle projects I've put on the "Some day" list.

And very importantly, I am going to tackle photography projects. I will finally update this blog with photos from NYC and Boston, engagement photos of my friends and photos I will be taking everyday on these 6 weeks.

I may have failed at 365 days, but maybe I can tackle 42 days.

Don't worry, I have plans on how to make income. I've got it all worked out, and if one thing doesn't, something else will.

Everything will work out.

"Sometimes starting over is how you really get started!" - The Daily Love


  1. I'm soooo beyond happy and excited for you (minus your loss, of course, believe me I can relate.. and if you ever need to talk about that stuff, please talk to me!) But.. for the goals and the new adventures - I am proud and excited you are going for the gold!! I can't wait to see your photos and class projects in the upcoming months. Share share!

  2. Lanny! Wow. So much change in a short period of time. Know that I'm thinking of you & sending you the best thoughts & love as you move on to this next chapter. As someone who once had my entire life crumble all at once, I can assure you that these moments when everything changes really is the place where you can start fresh in the best way possible. Much love---I am cheering you on.

  3. Thank you so much ladies for your supportive comments and thoughts. They are kept in a special place to be my fuel when I am in eyeball deep in projects and stress and need extra love! :)

  4. Lanny,

    Here is a big hug. Also, I am very impressed with you. This is the perfect attitude and as I am faced with different changes here and there I will always remember YOUR words, "I've got it all worked out, and if one thing doesn't, something else will."

    big thanks and again big hugs.

  5. Lan, again, I am so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. It really is strange how life can take such drastic turns so quickly. As for your new direction in your education and career (and the fabulous summer off!), I am so incredibly excited for you. I think your attitude has been so optimistic and inspirational, and you're right that everything will work out one way or another! : )